Euphemisms and Medical Descriptions

Medics have a strange use of vocabulary, it sets them apart from the everyday world.

Now I am full of praise for the NHS in every sense;  family, personal and current, but medicine itself is a funny old affair. At this current  time I'm intermittently under the care of  oncologists, radiologists,  dermatologists, anaesthetists & gynaecologists, not to mention general practitioners, specialist nurses, nurse practitioners, practice managers & district nurses. And they all have their own way with words.

I started as, 'concerning', a phrase my GP said was  medic shorthand for 'we are concerned we don't know'. Then I became a 'woman of mystery', not slinky clothing & secret moonlit meetings, no, but shorthand for 'we don't understand whats happening'. Later they were really 'excited' at finding the primary cancer and, because it was vaginal cancer, I then became an ' interesting rarity'.

Since then I have had consultants describing pain as 'exquisite' and the final operation as 'beautiful'; isn't that how they describe diamonds and football respectively? 

Now I could be very flattered being; ' mysterious, exciting, exquisite & beautiful', but they are not referring to me in person. As any good patient knows, even with the  great advances in medical training & people skills, the medics passion is the puzzle that is you or more importantly your ailment.

My husband has been told, by a surgeon, that  he had a 'gall bladder like a bear' and  the GP (who he rarely visits)  'you bring such interesting things', for these read ectopic heart problem & testicular cancer.

So there it is, strange vocabulary for a strange and noble profession and the rest of us can only stand in grateful linguistic  confusion, now that's the real mystery. Patiently patient while they practise their practice