These short poems were written in the endless hours of daily chemotherapy and have taken me some time to decipher & decide to publish, The emotions are raw, it was a time of confusion; twelve weeks of challenge. They are not great literature, merely my reflections in difficult times.
Day Chemo (2nd) ten hours in UHNS:
So here I sit, linked up again,
Pod 1, soft chair, no pain, no pain.
saline drips, machines alarm.
Snuggly settled, civilised charm.
Poison running, vein to vein.
heartbeat drumming; same , same.
Clinical care, calmly run.
Adrenaline, steroid, body won.
What to do hour by hour.
Pass the time, daylight sour.
Get it done, pass the time.
Mechanics running, it'll be fine.
When its over, how will I be?
Nausea, tired, lacking me?
Will I be better, then come again.
Civilised poison, the chalice of pain.
Just let me sleep, let it all go away.
Slumber reality, dream of a day.
Sunshine & lavender, granite & green.
#Sitting beside you, all this a bad dream.
Nine hours waiting; mind on fire 3rd Chemo
Don't be inpatient, nearly there.
Wishing you'd be early, anywhere.
Impatient patient, end of day.
Need conversation, time to slay.
I've written, I've read, created & said.
Soothsayer chair, changes to bed!
Wish you would get here, thoughts in a 'robble'.
Please just arrive, save me this trouble.
Word overload, paragraph feed.
Too may thoughts & ideas to read.
Two pencils broken, two pens run dry,
Endlessly scribbling, time passing by.
So please just arrive now, kiss me & say.
I love you, I missed you, how was your day?
Well I gloried in words, escaped in idea.
Found solice in story to try to be clear.
And now, when you're with me, I'll hole tight your hand.
Hold on forever; Affirmation land!
Forgive Me or Fearful Family
If I become the woman I'm not...If I'm hateful or harming?
Please remember the Pauline that was.
Who loved and loves you forever!
Please forgive me if, in pain or fear, drug or dread
I am not the mother, the friend, the wife or the woman you know me to be.
I love you all!
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