Well I have completed the,' Living Well with the Impact of Cancer', free course, which is open to anyone living with or affected by cancer and very good it was too. A three day group course, spread over three weeks, it was fronted by the Bristol Charity Penny Brohn & funded by Douglas Macmillan. The Penny Brohn Charity was established in 1980 and recognises that,
'when people are faced with the diagnosis of cancer, it raises a multitude of issues & emotions and that often, medical treatments alone is not enough'
I have spent an enjoyable & educational three days considering diet & relaxation, the psychological impact of cancer, emotions & relationships, financial & welfare considerations, spirituality, mindfulness & imagery; and all in the context of The Whole Person. 'Whole' as in; mind body, spirit & emotion.
So we examined facts & techniques, considered our responses and shared our experiences, skilfully led by medical & alternative therapy facilitators. And it was the shared experiences, the common norms and the strengths & weaknesses of the group, that lifted this course from mere information sharing to the realms of self realisation.
Heavy words, but so true, as we each faced our angels & demons/ our strengths of character & our fears & emotion. So I want to say a thank you to all those fellow participants who gave & shared with me so much; its been a blast! We were part of, what my husband ( a cancer survivor of some 25 years) refers to as; 'A very exclusive club, not one you choose or even want to belong to, but one which will always stay with you' and, for me it was a privilege to meet some of my fellow members.
And at the end when asked what we took away from all our action planning & consideration, what was important to us, the responses were varied but all positive. From improved diet & exercise extension, to practising the relaxation or daily meditative activities
It made me realise that I need to adapt my thinking; its not just that I have cancer for life (whether it kills me or not), its about having happiness for life. The analogy with a diet comes to mind; we can cut back, exclude food types, starve & binge and do crazy stuff but unless we adapt to a healthy diet for life nothing will really change. So to make this current feeling of being in control of my destiny, normal, I must practise. I must not just drift on the tide of medical diagnosis & vague outcomes, I must make this normality a state of mind.
So when asked what I took from the course I replied, " the knowledge that I can survive beyond medics & statistics, beyond the uncertain outcomes and lack of control". I am greater than a body with cancer, I am a whole, thinking feeling, sentient being, and I can apply myself to live beyond cancer. In short, I am Gestalt person, the 'whole is greater than the sum of my parts' and my parts, like my grey jigsaw, are within my remit.
What did Penny Brohn give me in those three short days, it gave me hope. And as I look at the assorted pieces of my diagnosis jigsaw life, I think they gave me a measure of control. I finally have a glimpse of the jigsaw box cover and the sun is shining in the big picture.
Our Living well Cancer Course gives much emphasis to living in the moment & mindfulness. Hence, last weekend, when we drove to the Welsh coast, I took advantage of the beautiful weather & a receding tide to contemplate and relax. Standing on the beach, staring at the skyline & listening to the gentle distant ebb & flow of the sea, I shut my eyes and began to breathe, slow & calm as I had been taught. Live in the moment I thought, enjoy the here & now, Suddenly I discovered I was rapidly sinking in the muddy sand....says it all, yes live in the moment so long as you are not sinking in the sand beneath your feet.
We have discussed taking control of our lives and one area that intrigued me was the concept of not talking about cancer, choosing to close the door for a while & move on. So as it was Shrove Tuesday with Lent in sight I decided to have a Cancer Free Day; rather like a Low Carbs day in a diet plan and to choose one day each week to never mention the dreaded word or anything related to it. There's always the worry that if you try too hard and, 'don't mention the war', the subject becomes the classic, 'elephant in the room' and we can't avoid it , indeed we see it, hear it & read it, even more than usual. Psychologists relate this concept to the reticular activating system of the brain which determines how we filter incoming information and what we pay more attention to.
So it was, just as I decided that this was the day that would be my non-cancer day, that the phone rang and it was the Specialist Nurse from the Respiratory Clinic, with news of my previous investigation & biopsy. Now at a time like this you can hardly say, " sorry I'm giving up Cancer for lent / the day", its just too important, indeed your very life might depend on it.
The news was good but it made me think that you cant always plan to follow through on good intentions, however soul worthy they might be.You need to try to change, indeed if you don't, you'll never know what you can achieve. But just discern the important when it happens and make sure youre not on sinking sand as you contemplate your fate.
Otherwise fate itself might just take a hand: the upper hand!
My latest treatment is not strictly medical, involves no clinician and is neither hospital of surgery based. I am attending a 'Living Well with the Impact of Cancer' course, run by the Penny Brohn Charity & funded by Douglas Macmillan.
Its an interesting combination of psychological strategies, healthy eating / nutritional advice & research based 'Whole Person' healing. We are an assorted group of eleven people; all effected by cancer, either as living with, supporting or having treatment for the 'Big C'. Because we all start with a common base of being cancer patients or partners, we don't have to explain or ...., there is a commonality, a link and an immediate trust. Two of the three days are now gone and lots of useful detail, well presented and actively participated in.
But its not the data or research, the advice or the science that really strikes home, its the sharing. We are all on individual paths along a journey of coping with cancer and in sharing / pooling the experiences & knowledge we've each gleaned along the way, we are actively supporting & challenging each other; its a caring conspiracy.
So how does this work, what's it like in practice? Well the best example is from one of my fellow course participants who has just learnt that she has to have a 'Hickman Line' fitted. This piece of medical kit is a central venous catheter used to administer chemotherapy and allow for the withdrawal of blood samples. She & her husband had spent a troubled weekend worrying about this procedure and came to the group with this in mind. When this was voiced immediately people started to contribute; reassuring, commenting and supporting. In particular one lady, who had previously had this done, actually showed the area she had had the Hickman Line inserted. As she did so, I saw fear become diluted and reality and curiosity step in. The fact that something is no longer unknown makes it more understandable & acceptable. It doesn't take away the problem, but makes it a challenge with an achievable outcome ~ it normalises it!
And for me, hearing that others, like me, had some relatives and friends who were less than supportive this hit a strong note and made me feel, "It's not just me". Also, I have been given license to say to people if I don't want to talk about cancer, I'm having a cancer free day and that is so liberating.
Most poignantly, one participant in telling of a friends reaction said, " I still have cancer,, its not curable, four years on...". This opened a door for me, lifted a blind and I could see ahead, I had a future. Where has this taken me; my mum still struggles, my brother doesn't speak to me and I am still incurable? But its about communication, taking back the control & looking at my whole self... moving on.
And do I need a Hickman line, well no; my chemo is over, my veins intact, but I've begun to see an easier way of living with cancer. Ironical, in that my maiden name was Hickman, so I have an original and definitely direct 'Hickman' Line ~ its called hereditary. Thanks Dad!
