It means evrything...

Strange just how important peoples good wishes are. They say " I know it doesn't mean much...", but actually it means a great deal. Knowing you are in peoples thoughts and that they care, gives a great feeling of support; not being alone.

So having had so much empathy from my husband, because I seem to be getting yet another bladder infection and a lovely long chat with an old colleague & firm friend I was feeling quite cheered this morning.

 Sadly as the day wore on so did the infection and I had to visit the local Minor Injuries Unit at the Cottage Hospital. It was there I learnt the compassion & care of strangers is also very heartening.
Yes I had a nasty infection, yes I needed medication, if this doesn't improve it this was what to do; in short a whole care plan and buckets full of reassurance. Forthright answers, eyes met, no euphemisms and all the jargon & results explained, I came away feeling better at heart.

Husbands hand in mine, friends voice on the phone and a strangers factual kindness have all made today so much better. Thank you all...

One of the jigsaw edges...flowers

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
So today was the first of the further medical checks, first up gynaecological. Now I'm not going into too much graphic details just to say that all appears OK.

But what is it with Medics that, they decide to have a meaningful conversation with you, about say, some area of your medical history, when you are in compromising & slightly ludicrous physical position. Now I know women are supposed to be able to multi-task, but if I say, internal search and cerebral functioning, in the same sentence,you might see my point.

And to add insult to injury they offer a small sheet to cover your self. Now I'd like to think this was for my dignity, but I think its more for the convenience of the doctor, so he can focus on the job in hand...oh bad pun!


These doctors don't like to see more flesh than they actually need to; the section has to be isolated, covered with a cloth, they must have very sectionalised brains or be too easily aroused! lol.


But hey ho, its all good news so my embarrassment is all that's left damaged. So why you may say a picture of wild flowers? Well as a child I was told if something  is upsetting you should think of something nice, like flowers.

So that was me triple tasking, physical contortion, academic questioning & images of pretty flowers...quite a success I'd say.

What is it about having a cup of tea....

A fairly difficult night as my hip area, which has never been a problem, is very sore & so woke me when turning in my sleep. Feeling sorry for my self & tired, my mumblings woke my husband. Ever patient he suggested we actually woke up had a break & then returned to sleep, break the cycle. The first act of kindness...

 
 We chatted about nothing much, laughed a little & finally fell back to sleep about an hour later. Problem was that the hour was approx. 7.30, when we should have been starting to stir, so when we woke the day started rather late, but with brunch in bed. The second act...


Then the postman called leaving a lovely card from my step daughter, says simply, 'I'm here for you' and the third, so special act of kindness. Finally my elderly father, nearly 89, visited to encourage & support; another cup of tea & another act of kindness.


And all this in one morning & a smile now on my face.

Reality, well thats the problem...

Seems things go between great positivity to vague negativity and  the reality of everyday living just has to happen in between.

In an effort to come to terms with what happening I pressed the publish button on my first post for this blog. Maybe if I talk to the 'ether' it will be better, perhaps others will understand, even it could help, so as with all my written work it is driven, 'I needs must write'.

Today I hoped found out that I have yet another medical appointment  this week; so in order gynaecological oncologist, CAT scan Wednesday, oncologist Thursday. Great its all moving a pace and I should know what is happening to me they intend to do, but unsettling. They obviously need to move this quickly, so here I am facing my own mortality again.

On a lighter note, did I mention we are amid the buying & selling of houses, well actually the final stages. The property we have hopefully bought is an architect designed bungalow and seems our solicitor is not happy with the lack of evidence as to Architect Indemnity Insurance. Said architect has , apparently died some 18 months ago, but as the solicitor pointed out that should not be a problem. I bit my tongue because I wanted to say, " well it was to him!"

Another corner piece.....to cut or not to cut

Went yesterday to visit our son, then today my parents (individually)  and finally my step-daughter. How much to tell how to phrase it? Be honest, don't cloud the issues, but shield their feelings & protect those you love.
My lovely husband came with me, as an ex & survivor of the dreaded Big C, I wanted him to assure the family that nothing was hidden.

Seemed strange as we went on to have tea or go our for dinner to chat & do what we always do, but that is life I'm not changed, just part of me not right. So I came home to think positively about things and found even in the dark thoughts there are pluses.

Maybe I will need to consider a short hair cut, if I have to have chemo better, from not a lot than, ever thinning Jennifer Anniston locks. So on line I go & search for styles, this could be a new me, well it is anyway so go for it. Dyed white blonde very short, spiky or fringed; all possibilities. What to do? Well at least here I may have a choice...

The first corner piece....

I always wondered how it felt the moment before you realised the bullet had hit, or the seconds prior to the sound of crumpling metal; not a morbid sort of wonder, just curiosity. Did you actually register the event, was it all too fast, how much of your life flashed before you. Be a bummer if in those precious seconds you only saw the mundane or remembered the annoyances, such a waste!

Well yesterday I found out, un dramatically, calmly and medicinally and the first piece of the grey jigsaw was set in place. Came about in a follow up hospital visit post a minor op, which should have been my clean bill of health, when I was told that the biopsy they had undertaken showed abnormalities.

Sort of realised when the top medic, plus his junior colleague and a nurse all came in; " I'm in trouble here!" After that the words & euphemisms were thick & fast and I only had to look around that bright room to see the intensity of the empathy in those eyes. Suddenly my life and my very self were on hold.I had started to assemble the pieces of a puzzle with no outcome picture, just grey.

So today I decided to do what I do best & deal with the world in words. I intend not to offend, or advise, seek aid or gather anything, simply to express myself. So here goes