Tomorrow I go back to the oncologist to get the prognosis & all the test results.
I had thought it was to be a straightforward, though hardly desirable radiology 'Planning Meeting', but as of Tuesday that was changed. Now the specialist wants to see me. Now logic says it could be good news or just that he needs to feed the results back to me, but my heart is heavy in anticipation of bad news.
Call it anticipation, anxiety or adrenalin I'm finding it hard to settle. So what do I do with my time? Weeding, well that reminds me of the effect of radiotherapy killing the cancer at source, pruning I'm thinking surgery and spraying, oh no chemotherapy.
Hence I resort to my trusted remedy tidy & write; put my house/ mind in order & sort my thoughts. Strange how perspectives change! My mother used to clean windows when she was anxious, Ron mentally solves small practical problems, whilst others listen to music, solve puzzles or play computer games.
When working professionally, I used to bemoan my 'avoidance behaviour', until a colleague and psychologist on a behaviour project pointed out that it was not a negative behaviour, but 'Displacement Therapy'. So here I am being clever & logical, whilst I just thought I was being afraid & wasting my time.
Fearful Friday has just become Future Friday...bring it on!
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