OK in France, albeit temporarily, but back. I feel like a
prisoner on parole, released from the prison of cancer and its treatments and
for a brief time I can be normal; breathe the clean air and live.
We’ve laughed and cried together, wined and dined in style and
all the time I’ve kept thinking, “These people don’t know, I’m just ordinary to
them”, it’s so good to just be ordinary. This illness seeps into your soul,
makes you question everything and feel apart from everybody, so it’s great when
you can just be you.
My birthday was very special with meals out, gifts and
wonderful messages. Lots of smiles and a short holiday in Amboise, the
beautiful old town on the Loire river famed for its amazing light and tufa stone
buildings. Leonardo di Vinci spent his last years here inventing & creating
in his inimitable genius manner, until dying, at the then grand old age, of
sixty seven.
It’s a magical place, even with the tourists thronging its narrow
historic streets, because it retains a dignity and renaissance charm and it
gives me a feeling of great hope and peace. Maybe it’s the light on the water,
or the crispness of the air? Maybe it’s the clean white stone raising from the
valley floor in a multitude of turrets & roof lines. But whatever it is, I
always feel revitalised.
It’s not been easy to take some of the comments about myself,
because I look so healthy. Or the avoidance that some have done because they
are afraid to say or not say something, but Amboise reminds me to keep things
clear, to stay focussed. Truth is it’s always better to say something, even
‘like’ on social media, nothing shows just that no care. I’m planning for life
and leaving the dross behind me.
So we've come back to our little village and friends visiting
& planning social gatherings, it’s really lovely. I still feel a little out
of sync, in a different time warp and when husband and friends talk I’m not
sure where my head is, but I’m staying mindful and living in the moment, in the
day and for the future.
What is it Theodore Rosevelt said,
‘Do what you can, with what you have, where you are!’
Well that’s me with a lot of help from family & friends.
So thank you all, you keep me smiling and, like Amboise, revitalise my world
and spread a gentle but clear light across my life, into every dark corner and
your kindness touches my very soul.
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